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guorong
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Sunday, January 27, 2008
thx, i'm ok. :)
GuoRong
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Saturday, January 26, 2008
i'm in no mood to post. typed 3 posts out alr, but ended up deleting them all, and no, it wasnt totally coz of my results, i do admit that was part of the reasons tho. but anw, i'm tired and
thats bout it.
thx for all the tags directed at trying to make me feel better.
GuoRong
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Thursday, January 24, 2008
i hv so much to say, and i dun really know where to start from. whatever it is, life has to go on, and what i want, is simply a place for me to vent my emotions, so keep ur comments to yourself, be it words of comfort, criticism or what hv u.
i guess from what i've written above, it's quite clear as to how i fared for Os. yes, i didnt do well. ok, i didnt do up to MY expectation, i hope that sounded better, just in case someone out there who got lousier results than me come tagging on the board with things like 'stop flaunting' or 'stop whining/grumbling/complaining when u hv such gd results' and stuff.
i got 11 for L1R5.
this is a super far cry from my initail 8 from prelims, i'm disappointed, i'm sad, i'm angry. yes. like duh ? who wouldnt be when u face such circumstances; deproving by a gd 3 points, with ur confident subjects doing badly, and when u've mug so hard and yet get lower score than the rest, and when u were always at the top, winning over so many ppl and yet now falling so deep, with other ppl winning u in subjects u've nv ever thought of losing it to them, when u cant even check why u've got such lousy results.
i'm not used to losing, seriously. and now that i've fell so deep, u wouldnt know how big a blow this is, and moreover, it's not like everyone did badly, i think there's prolly just me who deproved so much. the whole cohort did well, very well in fact, to be able to value add the sch. u dunno the excitement and joy i felt when i heard the piece of news, 'everyone did well' with that, i went on to heighten my initial zilch expectation, to just a normal score of 8-10. normal as in to me, what i usually get. and usually i would be disappointed to get scores like this, and imagine my feeling when i realised my score totalled up to 11. it was far from crying. far worse.
when mr chan handed me my slip, i saw 2 BS and 6As, and i was almost on cloud nine alr, before the cold hard truth hit me, hard. the Bs were a 3 and 4 and the As were three 1s and 3 2s. i was like WTF, GONE. as i tore open my form A, i alr had in mind what score it would be, i chose to be in self denial, refusing to accept the truth till i see it with my eyes on the slip. i then looked at the freshly-torn slip, i sighed. tears were coming up alr, but i fought it down. no way man. i hv to practise what i preached, i was telling them the days before release that the results were confirmed alr, no way to change it anyhow so. so we shldnt worry too much. i was like the only one not that very-worried all the way and my results proved me wrong. so wrong.
i had all the reasons in the world to cry, to shout, to yell to vent all my anger out. i was disappointed, sad and yet angry at the same time. first, i didnt do as well as expected. second, my expectation was way too high, overrated myself it seems. to speak the truth, i was even thinking of being on the screen, getting like straight As or smth. slowly, as the power point slides went on, my expectation went down. to get score somewhat similar to 8 would be fine alr. and in the end 11 was the answer.
i went around asking and found out that many ppl did better than me, ego was at work again, i was feeling so frustrated like why, how could they hv won me, i couldnt hv lost and stuff. i hate to lose, or rather i wasnt used to it. i took being at the top for granted, i only thought of how high i'll climb, and the most, a lil of how much i'll fall, just a mild lil bit. but now, i fell deep. i had to swallow my pride, my ego and mutter nice one, not bad, force a smile, control my tears, act as if i'm not at all sad, the most i'll simply appeal to tj.
appeal ? that was nv ever in my dictionary, it didnt appear at all and i stressed the past tense i used. that was then, the guorong then was a 8-pointer, regularly top literature and chi, top positions in class, gd L1R5 in the lvl. i thought i was gd, too gd for tj even. i was even deciding and telling ppl that i'm considering btw the 2 schs, which one can offer me more and stuff. now it's the other way, the one with the ability to make a choice switched. it's the sch, yes not schs, just tj, i cant even make it into tj without any appeal now and i hate it so much to be in this kind of one-way situation, almost equivalent to begging. yes, once again it's ego and pride at work. all for the face. i'm simply ashamed to be grouped as those who cant make it thru results through and through. appealing makes me feel second to the rest. and i am not used to it, and i dun like it, or rather i abhorr it totally.
i guess if u've been following my post till here, u would hv prolly know how a person i am, but i dun wish to hide anything, thats me, i'm like that. i dun like to lose, i'm proud, i think i'm smart, way smarter than other ppl, those who nv had scores like me before. those whom i nv fail to win over. of course i'm not till the extent of showing it out, but deep down, i position myself as one of those better students, students who will do better, above-average students, those who are able to help the weaker students, the one ppl turn to for advice.
now all of a sudden, i'm yet losing out to those i nv thought i'll lose, even simply coming close to my score frustrate me enough, why was the gap so close all of a sudden. and i've been dutifully studying all these while, i did study a lot it seems. all the times i've slogged so hard, i just think all these efforts are worth more than a mere 11 points. of course i know things like this happen all the time, not just to me but other ppl, but why does it hv to be during such a major thing. to bring me down so much that shatters my whole pride and confidence. i've been too proud perhaps, to even recognised the efforts others are putting in and how they are all catching up ? no, i've been working hard as well.
i got a B4 for english, all along my english had been fine, round the A2 and B3 level and now it'd dipped to a 4, and the other reason which made it so much worse, is that other ppl who isnt as gd in english as me during normal times actually got an A. i am choosing to think that the marker is different thats y, mine's more stringent, please, dun tell me it's handwriting, i will bite myself so hard if thats really why i didnt do as well. if they mark my handwriting instead of my quality, that would be so unfair, well to me. it's my fault nevertheless handwriting or whatever.
and literature, B3. i've been constantly getting A1 and i even thought that i shld be able to get a A1 for Os, when i saw that i got a B3, i thought to myself, maybe our sch's standard's not gd compared to the rest and a B3 is like not bad for our sch alr, then news came that there are ppl who got A1, and that i've been working so much harder than them on lit, during lessons and preparation. if it's handwriting once again, i'll bite myself even harder. lit was one of my most confident subject. most impt as well. and yet it failed me. i do rmb my sense of assurance after handing in my script, it was one of relief and joy. that i shld do just fine, which equates to an A1. but yet it turned out so bad. i'm really disappointed.
for my sciences, i hv nth to say cept that i've not studied enough. it's frustrating for chem, coz i missed out the parts on organic chem defination and that cost me 3-4 marks, and that careless mistakes just made it worst.
my physics were nv gd and a A2 is fine alr, same goes for a maths, but for the rest, especially english lit and chem, i'm sorely disappointed.
i've been way too proud last time, not taking much notice of ppl from less reputable schs, under estimating their capability, and now retirbution's here. i did worse than almost all of them, hv to swallow my pride and go to sch tmr and report my score. and see all the expressions of all the other ppl to know my score, to get scorned at and everything.
ok, enough of venting my frustration. time for reflection. well, i guess i just didnt study enough. my handwriting was too bad. luck wasnt on my side, this isnt very valid tho. everything's based on hardwork i believe. it's time to pick myself up and get over it. face up to reality and not run away. be cool bout ur results and stop sulking when ppl asked me bout it. i got what i deserved.
i would hv to work harder for the nxt exam. it's over alr, i've gotta stop brooding over it, and get over it. get up from where i fell and mount my climb once again.
alright i guess thats enough for the day, and i really doubt anyone would be reading thru the loong post. well i was simply grumbling on and on. but i'm afriad this will take a while for me to get over. thanks to those who asked and tried to cheer me up, shermaine, clara, samfoo, jr, michelle, zhuting, yina and elisa of course. thanks for the birthday gift, and sharing so much with me. i was really touched and close to tears then.
alright, i'll be just fine tmr ! i cant do anything bout it alr! so, i gotta get over it !
GuoRong
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Sunday, January 13, 2008
mag , this post is partly for u too ! just a very small part tho. haha
my timetable are out alr, it's not pleasant at all! the earlist day which sch ends, is on wed, 3pm ! and thats like contact time, means everyone has that too. then i hv 3 days ending at 3.20pm, and one more ending at 4.20. all because of chi la ! the other pcme ppl ends at 12 plus or even 11 plus most of the days ! damnit.
sigh, if only i had taken higher chi. if only...
nvm, it's decided alr, cant do much bout it too.
alright! to sum up this wk,
it has really been a tiring wk, coz of trainings on mon, wed and fri. on training days, i usually reached home bout 1045 round there, then after etc. i'll prolly only be able to sleep at 1230. and i hv to wake up 5.30 the next morning to prepare for sch. whats more, the previous wk was a slack one, we only had lectures, not tutorials or practical. i cant imagine how it'll be when nxt wk comes.
and for mass pe, we hv swimming. dunno if i shld be looking forward to it or not. haha! maybe it's better to hv swimming rather than landpe. coz they would hv to run 5 km, for the guys, girls 3.2km. thats like -.- but i wun mind know, nv tried before, maybe i'll start hating it after the first landpe.
and i've been drinking a lot of soya bean for the week, i'm wondering where all that protein went to la! where are my bigger muscles ?! and why hv i lost kilos ! i'm 45 kg only, thats really pathetic. anyone could just carry me up and throw me over the wall. -.- hey, but dun try k, anyone.
so on friday, it was og lunch. in the end, only the usual ppl went, me weiyang, zaiyou, matthew, and the ogls, fann, samfoo, singyee. went to pizzahut. oh and before that we played basketball. poor zaiyou got caught by volleyball teacher and had to do 100 push-ups. badminton's the same too. badminton players are not allowed to play other contact sports. lest we get injured. i wonder what mrs goh would do to me if i get caught. i cant afford that tho. i'm going for pdp leader and theres the sportsxcel merit scholarship! $$
and my plan of studying in sch when i hv free time isnt working well. i seriously hv to get myself to follow it nxt wk on.
on a side note, i've been missing all my episodes of shouzu and huangjinlu. no more watching of feliciachin. =/ and i cant be bothered to chase after the serials too. sigh, hv to give it a miss alr.
k, i dun hv anything much to post bout alr, life's been hectic and busy, and it's gonna get pretty much worse. it's simply, sch, training, sleep. and i dun find any relief from this apparent simplicity. alright, i'm off to prepare my lectures/tutorials. take care, everyone.
GuoRong
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
hey mag, read this post. and u'll know how FUN it is.
we had our first sch day ytd. only had maths and econs lecture. we didnt do anything much for econs, the lecturer basically introduced all the tutors and briefly told us bout what econs is all about.
for math lecture, it was shit. the lecturer started teaching us the first topic. um sry, i used the wrong word, he merely TOLD us what it was. it goes smth like this, ' bla bla bla bla, easy? k. lets move on. bla bla bla, i assumed all of u hv got amath background, so u all shld know all these.'
wth, some of the things he said werent even taught to us la. lousy lecturer.. maybe he was just trying to scare us for a lil bit. the lecturer in the other LT is better, she explained the steps and everything. pity i didnt get her.
and after that, we went back to ahs for a while then came back to tjc for training. at 5. it was hell man ! really ! i haven't trained for too long, so it was really torturous for me. as in their training was much MUCH tougher than the ahs training. i didnt play well that day. problem wasnt with my arms, but my legs! my hamstring got tired easily and i couldnt move as fast. stamina wasnt there, whats worse, my string tension's ~~ sigh. i'm not gonna change my string tho, coz i know it will get the same after like 3 wks, dun wanna waste the money, i'll just try to hit harder using the tension now, so when i change my string, i'll be able to hit harder. and halfway thru pt, my hamstrings(both leg) cramped and i wasnt able to do it. limped home after dinner.
i think i left a bad impression on the coach, barely meeting the mark just halfway thru training. damnit. and leon told me he said a lot of gd things bout me. nvm, as for now, i'll just concentrate on improving.
the training ended at 9 plus, and by the time we finished dinner and went home, it was 11 plus alr, after un-packing and preparing for sch and etc, i only managed to rest at 1230. then i had to wake up at 5.40 for sch the next morning. lucky i only hv one lecture today, but still, i was super-tired. i fell asleep during the talks in the auditorium in the morning, tho that wasnt totally my fault, the speaker was really very boring and monotonous, she spoke softly too, so cant blame me for dozing off right.. i mean cant blame me totally. haha.
but, think, if this was a normal sch wk, with full time table, it would be really tough on me, and all of us. having so lil rest. so time management is a very impt thing in jc, whenever we're free, we must read up on our lecture notes beforehand, coz the things taught are really hard, or revise what the lecturer taught, or do hw or revision and stuff. jc life is so so different. hectic.
and our normal lesson doesnt end early, some days might even end at 4 plus or even 5. heard that weixiong has got a day where he ends at 5.30. :/
but i guess we would hv to get use to it.
we'r all big boys and girls now.
GuoRong
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Sunday, January 06, 2008
orientation's over ytd. it was orientation night, and i really enjoyed it alot, the perfomace and company, the dance and jumping around.
i still rmb when i first went into the auditorium, i thought the ogls were a lil over-enthusiastic. the ppl in my og didnt look friendly, only knew kah hui, zaiyou and weiyang then. these 4 days really bonded us alot, especially with the ogls. yu ang, fann and rachel. was even forced to be their brother. haha. all the nonsense and all. AND the random stuff from samfoo, how they tease samfoo and all. she's really blur and slow, there was this time they were making fun of her, saying she's stupid. she was drinking milk at the same time, after that, she turned to them and said ' eh the milk's not bad leh' haha, she didnt even know they talked bout her!
and there was once, when we were talking bout zaiyou's sch, amk, then she suddenly said, eh the noodles opposite ur sch's not bad! u know if u buy the 2.50 one they will give u 1 more fishball ? LOL
one more example, weiyang and i told her her hairclip's(dunno what it's called, smth like a peg one.) cool. then she nodded and said match with my shirt, i've got a green one too! and she's so happy that she knows the way to bedok mrt. haha, super gullibe and cute la.
and i was told i looked like a science club guy, and another said wushu. -.-
in all, i really wanna thank the ogls for all that they hv done, from trying to make us more enthusiastic, and getting to know us. ogls like fann, rachel, sam foo, xinjun, singyee, joshua and on.
the ogms too, matthew, zaiyou, the chungcheng ppl : min yu mingda and all, germaine(my couple dance partner), yi ming and all of the rest of them. and weiyang. really thank him alot, if not for him, i would hv been alone and with no one to crap around when it's so boring.
sch starts tmr. but i only hv 2 lectures, so it'll be quite slack i think. the classes are out alr, i'm not in the same class as any of them! ... theres isnt even any ogms in the same class as me. damnit. hope it turns out well!
i think i'll be returning to ahs tmr, needa collect smth, AND I HAVEN CLEAR MY CLASS LOCKER! i think they cleared it for us alr, which means, my lock and things inside are gone -.-
and i hv to clear out my bmt locker too, in case the juniors might hv to use them. dun think i hv a lotta things inside tho.
thats bout it all, wun hv much time to blog when lessons start. coz there's training as well and i would be really beat when i'm home. k cya.
GuoRong
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Saturday, January 05, 2008
3RD DAY OF ORIENTATION!
i'm so glad today's so much fun! mass dance at suntec was the best. alright, let me just start from the first event then on.
weiyang's mum fetched us to sch again, had talk from 7am-9am, and guess what, i fell asleep! haha ! i'm serious! too tired and the speaker's boring. talked bout the sch motto, vision and all. then after that we went to discuss our orientation night skit again. I'M SPONGEBOB IN THE SKIT LA !
the skit's bout all the four different clans, erypion(scorpion), lion (zephon), slithas(snake), wolf (panthera) fighting each other, in the sea, then all died. but erypion got a curse put on him, so he would not die, but sleep, then will awake someday when aroused. then 10,000 years ltr, spongebob and patrick came and tripped on him, then erypion wanted to take over the whole underwater, the spongebob used cheers to overcome him. i led all the cheers k .. haha ! the plot's a lil um, stupid (oops, sry! to the guy who suggested it, i duno how to spell the name)
but it felt damn good to lead a cheer. the whole clan stood up when i shouted 'come on erypion!' then all started cheering. feels damn proud ! LOL.
but we weren't as gd as the bollywood skit of the other og from our clan, so they got the chance to perform tmr for orientation night. i didnt reallly mind, haha, had fun at the audition alr !
then after that, we went for mass games, at the track area. didnt do well today, didnt win alot of games, so got lil points too. oh anw, erypion came from last to first today ! think we did very well for the amazing race, so we managed to top the rest. however i think tmr's leader wun be us alr. haha, nvm, thing is to hv fun !
then it was mass dance learning in the hall. did the couple dance today. germaine was my partner. it went quite gd, tho both of us werent veyr gd at dancing, at least we were enthu and tried to learn. couldnt rmb all the steps
eh, i think i got the sequence of events wrong. haha ! nvm.
train-ed to suntec for the mass dance at evening. reached there and was too late to hv dinner, so we went to fountain of wealth to dance first. the whole thing didnt start till 8 i think. did cheers while waiting. the dance was really fun ! we all werent quite sure bout the steps, so we followed the ogls, who chanted what we had to do while dancing. 'left kick, right step bla bla..' fann and sam foo led us. we were all cramped behind, so didnt hv much space, but really enjoyed it a lot, tho most of the time, we were lost and just dancing anyhow-ly.
haha ! i still rmb-ed fann gave one command which went ' anyhow turn !' HAHA !
sometimes it was damn messy, some ppl had the right leg out, some had left, some turned clockwise, some turned anti-clockwise. haha !
the speedy dance was the easiest and fun-nest. simple dance steps, then repeat 4 times facing front, back, and the 2 sides.
did the 4 dances 2 times i think. dun rmb alr! then when everyone got high, they did the run round the fountain; everyone just ran round the fountain. it's like a tradition i think, for the j1s to run round it. then cheers and more cheers. dance and more dance. damn fun !
too bad for those who skipped it. missed out on all the fun!
knew the ogls and the ogms better today. tmr's the last day alr, and we're going out for lunch before going to sch for the O-night coz we aren't down for any rehearsals.
it's really hard to describe how fun the whole thing was down here, just know that it's fun ! thats enough alr ! and u dun hv to know the mass dances very well to dance them. COZ I THINK THE REST OF THE J1S ALSO DUNNO ONE ! hahaha ! just follow, dance around, hv a gd laugh and hv fun ! ^^
lessons are like starting on monday. damnit, bought math notes today, they didnt look very easy. haha ! argh, time to study again ! if u really wanna know how fun the mass dances/orientation, ask me k, i'll tell u face to face or smth. hahha. i dun think anyone would ask, but anw....
alright, i'm really beat now, gonna stop here and go rest. all the best to those in vj who's gonna mass dance tmr at suntec fountain of wealth! hv fun! and i hope tmr goes well !
GuoRong
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Thursday, January 03, 2008
hey there ! yes, i'm here to post bout the orientation ! first day was seriously disappointing and boring. the ogls just kept cheering and cheering and the ogms were like expressionless. lol ! bored-ed. had a looooooong talk bout the subjects and all.then it was ice-breaking games which wasnt very successful. the og has 33 ppl. -.- it didnt take long for me to forget the names after they introduced themselves.
it was mass dance after that, and i seriously suck at dancing. LOL. my co-ordination's an F9 la. did try to learn the dance and it wasnt easy!
AND we hv to learn 3 mass dances ! LOL GG!
then after that dismissed alr, didnt had fun la, dun even know the ogl. they were fighting for points all the time and it seemed so childish.
SECOND DAY(SO MUCH BETTER! READ THIS !)
weiyang's mum fetched me jr xiaoqin to sch. (thx!) then first was amazing race briefing. then they divided the og into 2 groups. me zaiyou and weiyang wanted to be in same group with the cedar girl, so we counted, then seated ourselves. the ogls used the ABAB method. the ogl ended with A at the cedar girl row, then when it came to our row, it's supposed to be B right, according to our plan too.. but the ogl started with A again ! PLAN FAIL ! we 3 ended up in same group, BUT without the company of the girl. LOL !
it's damn fun la, thinking up of plans to catch the girls that we like, attention . of course, it's only thinking, didnt carry it out! fun way to pass time when it's boring ! did a lot of that during first day. hahaha.
ok, then it was out for amazing race, we went around bedok north, which weiyang and me happened to be familiar with. well, after four years in ahs. we ought to be right..
was more enthusiastic bout the whole orientation after the amazing race started, it was more enjoyable as a whole, our sub-group wasnt too bad too. and our ogls' gd. rachelle, fann and yuang. my 2 sisters, GOSH.
it started like this, they were waiting for me coz i went to the toilet, so after i came out, they walked on with me, one at each side, like escorts, then they were walking a lil in front what, just a lil, then it's like 2 sisters bring lil bro out like that. lol so i told them ' eh i feel like a small kid being brought out by 2 sisters' then after that, they started the whole thing alr
LOL.
the amazing race went well, bonded with the ogl and the sub-group. shall summarize the things we did.
we dug in the sand,
we played playground, the monkey bars thing,
we ran,
we ate apples,
we walked a lot,
we talked a lot of crap/suan the ogl during the way,
we cheered ALOT,
we walked on sharp rocks,
we posed for photos.
and a lot more la, i dun really rmb alr.
shall go on to the mass dance. learnt another new one today. 2nd one. wa this one is tougher. had 2 ogl teaching us, me weiyang and jr, the 2 sisters la, they didnt wanna let us off it seemed. tho we had no slightest intention to skip it. the music's tempo was too fast to follow. see how it goes tmr. still have one more dance tmr to learn. LOL. i cant even get past the first one and theres more to learn.. nvm, just go play. haha ! tmr's the suntec mass dance anw !
alright, i gotta sleep alr, cant post anymore, will add more details in nxt time! dun wanna be late tmr, i had fun ! and hoping to hv fun tmr ! take care u guys out there ! cya!
GuoRong
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Tuesday, January 01, 2008
happy new year guys !
the bbq last night wasnt really fantastic. it was ok la. didnt eat a lot. the more significant thing was the countdown after the bbq at marina bay !
we cabbed down to marina bay area, then met up with the other 2 groups and we had to run to catch the fireworks la ! it was mad man, we ran like 1km and in the end we didnt make it in time. well, at least we did see the fireworks ! it was brilliant. really.
and what happened next really sucks. the human traffic's horrible. i think 20 % of singapore was down there squeezing thru the crowd, like what we did. we agreed to meet up at merlion(we got separated while running to see the fireworks display) so we moved towards that direction. it took like an hr man ! and a few of them got separated and went wrong way.
then when we reached merlion, the two groups called us and said they were at the war memorial. -.- in the end we had to walk there again.
and when we reached there, they said they were going to grace's house -.- i was a lil fed-up la. if they had told us earlier, we could hv stayed at the merlion and sit around and save the trouble of walking to war memorial, and that made us missed the last train too. NVM. it's a new year and i dun wanna talk bout all these.
we went to look for NR 7 and then went home instead. all the freaking cabs has got busy* sign on when they are obviously free la! i think they are just waiting for the ppl to call a cab and get 4 dollars more. that's so sickening.
but lucky for that, we managed to save a lot of money, taking NR7 instead of cab. i reached tpjc and had to walk 15 mins back home. reached home at 4. slept at 5. and day ended.
whatever happened, it was quite an experience la, i nv went to countdown before, nv get stuck in so much human traffic before, and on.
sch starts tmr, to be honest, i'm a lil excited. it's a new sch that i'm going to anw, so i guess that's normal. and since it's orientation and not hitting the books one more time. but, even if it's studying, i wouldnt mind. coz it'll be new stuff we're learning, new faces we'll be seeing.
haven been sleeping and waking up early, i'm wondering how i'll be able to wake up early tmr. whatever it is, i'm looking forward to it.
alright, thats bout it. i think my posts are really a bore to read, lol, getting lazy..but anw..
cya.
GuoRong
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GuoRong
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19/11/91
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