i dont know what to write, but i think i should write something down.it's another long weekend again, monday's a holiday. but it looks like another weekend of studying again and i think things will really get boring for the rest of the months when all you need to and have to is studying.and it's scary how this one time off examination at the end of the year, or rather just 6 months time is going to be the last and most important exam ever. i don't want it to be another one of those scenarios filled with all the what ifs and i-should-haves. i've had a tad too many of that. then again, apart from preparing real hard for it, there doesnt seem to be an alternative.but THEN again, it's stupid the way numbers and figures make the world go round. and that so much time is spent on pursuing this paper qualification which drains all the fun that revolves round just simple pleasures of life. the pursuit of the straight Aces complicated everything.life could have been so much easier had we not attempt to make things complex.and i guess thats why it is so much more important that we find joy in the things we do amidst this monotonous and mundane storyline of studying and more studying everyday. how to make it seem better, i dont know though.then again, i get by by telling myself how i'll be spending the time all the same whether i make good use of it or not. of course making use of the time will seem like the more logical option, most of the time. looking at sallies, talking nonsense with everyone, slapping daryl when he sleeps during lecture, playing basketball when i can afford it, watching people, looking at how things go, observing charlene and jerald, having to be included in part of the hc convo reluctantly as a bystander, trying to understand why huimin is the way she is, how everyone reacts to her, thinking how mrs leong sees me, smiling at all the wonderful people who bother to say hi by the corridor..theres so many things i do in school. they keep me sane from all the monkeys, insensitive people, cynical people, shit that happens, and everything bad u can think of.sometimes i dont even know why i'm doing all these for, going to lessons and doing my tutorials faithfully. i dont even know where all these will lead me to. and it's so lol/-.- when u see the person to your right joking with the teacher when the teacher comes round to check our work and that he didnt prepare his tutorials. and it's even more amazing how the teacher can laugh along with him and just walk past him after scanning through his paper filled with answers copied from the board and apparently not prepared. i'm not really that sure about the world is fair logic now.but then again, there really is nothing i can do except to continue doing my part. even if i dont get duly rewarded when the tests come, i cant really go back home and blame my parents for not making me that fantastically smart right. the harsh reality hurts so much sometimes, when you see that the 70 odd marks isnt on your script but on the script of the person to your right and especially if you think you deserve it so much more.the same goes for badminton and everything else. here we are fighting like dogs on the streets, but the bone goes to the pampered puppies in the house. alright, i cant exactly say i'm being fair to them, MAYBE they did put in effort too.sometimes, i think i'm really that good. and thats when doubt will set in at the next moment. no wonder they say when you feel unhappy it means that happiness is on the way. i'm tired in every way, and when day breaks tomorrow, i'll have to start studying again. it's crazy how the first thing that comes to mind is what subject to do for the day and how much to do, and what to do. tomorrow, i'll make sure the first thing that comes to mind is sally. maybe that would mean a better day ahead, somehow or anyhow.i'm not your tall, dark handsome kinda guy. if i dont meet the mark, u can leave me alone.if you want to go fast, go alone.if you want to go faster, go together.i saw this on one of the walls along the corridor. i dont like to take things too fast, maybe going alone would suffice. slowly but surely, slowly but surely.alright going off. one whole long page of stuff, i feel much better after typing all the random things. posted by GuoRong Saturday, May 09, 2009 . . .
