it's a sore deep deep down that acts up time and again that i'm trying to fight.trying to do the things i have to do during school has been tough. i fought to do that extra bit each time i felt like it, understanding it a lil more rather than just taking it down and putting it on hold, falling asleep during econs lecture and not take down things. it's scary that even calum is saying that prelims are 1 month away. i hope i dont sound like CC all through this post. but, if i do, you can disown me if you want.i like how my trophies and medals shine in front of me when i watch tv. it reminds me that i should never give things up and leave things to fate, and that nothing really is impossible. it reminds me of all the sucky trainings, monotonous drills, smashing like my arm will swing off, running like my feet arent there, gasping for air like i'm drowning. actually i really was, just that i didnt show and noone could see. and all the breakdowns and sitdowns all around school in the still of the night at 8pm when i just needed some time alone to sort things out. those times were those that i wished i never had to leave; the lying down on track spread eaglewinged under the starry sky. it felt almost like fiction and that it will be awesome if time could just hold still there and then. ok, so the whole load was just trying to mean the agony i went through which i think no one could have imagined. (it's the same how i'll never be able to understand the shit that you-who-is-reading is going through and had gone through) and that i pulled through and i got what i wanted. there werent anything that was really sweet to it apart from the attention poured onto us at the end of the match, the phototaking on the podium feeling like stars for once. perhaps the sweetest to it was how i had someone with me when things were going a bit crazy and unbearable.You're not aloneTogether we standI'll be by your side, you know I'll take your handWhen it gets coldAnd it feels like the endThere's no place to goYou know I won't give inNo I won't give inKeep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughJust stay strong'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for youThere's nothing you could sayNothing you could doThere's no other way when it comes to the truthSo keep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughSo far awayI wish you were hereBefore it's too late, this could all disappearBefore the doors closeAnd it comes to an endWith you by my side I will fight and defendI'll fight and defendYeah, yeahKeep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughJust stay strong'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for youThere's nothing you could sayNothing you could doThere's no other way when it comes to the truthSo keep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughHear me when I say, when I say I believeNothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destinyWhatever's meant to be will work out perfectlyYeah, yeah, yeah, yeahLa da da daLa da da daLa da da da da da da da daKeep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughJust stay strong'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for youThere's nothing you could sayNothing you could doThere's no other way when it comes to the truthSo keep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughKeep holding onKeep holding onThere's nothing you could sayNothing you could doThere's no other way when it comes to the truthSo keep holding on'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it throughi really almost teared you know. inside me, you should have seen.one day i'll let you have a look again and you'll never believe you ever did such a thing.i've been long trying to get what all this mean, because i never really believed in coincidences. perhaps accidents they were but i need to find that little bit of meaning to it however little it might be. the way coincidences unfold right under my nose invokes in me an awestruckingly sense of surprise. like what happened just now when i was just going home. it's prolly the best episode of CChen of today. you remind me to tell you bout it lest i forget. for a moment i really thought it was so, and when it didnt turn out to be so, i was oddly disappointed yet amazed at the same time on how things worked. that it was so near yet so far away, like the same way a lot of other things have been. i'm sure you've been through quite a couple yourself too.so today i decided to have macs with the macs people. and i had a mcspicy. that was really stupid of me and i thought it will help. turns out that it didnt, but the whole idea of going to macs did. i was crazily blabbering nonsense to samuel and ck all the way, and pissing off charlene and threw a fries at her which luckily she didnt get mad for. i made charlene say that she hates me, in the same way lynnete told me the other time. that made me think about whats up with me and band people. initially i only thought i had something with percussionists, vanessa, lynette, samuel.. now it seems like bandsters are all creeps.so the whole crazy thing didnt stopped till we got back to school for lecture where i fell asleep quite often. i hope i did absorb something though. oligopoly, elasticy... um.. ok thats about it i think -.-ok so anw, i'm glad i turned back to the library after i decided to leave. at the very least, i managed to borrow this book highly recommended, which i dont regret having done so. now i think i know how you felt. empathy and sensitivity at work! crap, i make such a good lit student actually you know. ok,i think you do know, but just that you dont believe right. ...ok, that was a good and long post after so long and it's back to doing the things i have to do, like dinner and regression and chem and a lil bit of reading. sometimes, the hardest things and right things are the same. i need to get that on paper somewhere to jolt me back whenever i'm doing everything else in school. but then again, who says what is right.. now thats something to think about. i'm looking forward to the long weekend, (ok, it's only 3 days, but with 3 weeks of stuff to do) because i think i'll end up productive. positive thinking, now thats a good start. good job gr.oh and our dearest auntie is sick, again or still. ya, and doc says she has influenza symptoms. i called her up just now and we talked for like 15 minutes bout giving her a grand burial, plan how to get her giant down, or her 'sister' down with her, how to inherit her parents and money, to write up a will but in the end became in the diary because too troublesome to go draw one up. and a whole bunch of nonsense. ok but we were both just FON k, in auntie's dad words. auntie, please dont die. i think the slapping of our mouths worked. because i made it home safely and didnt get knocked down by a car while talking to her and crossing the road at the same time. (i thought karma will hit me there and then like always) ok, i really need to go and do the right things alr.i wish we were like that too, not exactly, but somewhat similar, will be super. ex-girlfriends leave you, best friends stay with you forever. fiction, not? to 800 and i hope you'll remember me with all the fondness of the things we used to do together.i'm funny too in a different way. the uncultured way in my friend.'s words.now go study/sleep after you're done with this wonderful post, whoever you are. posted by GuoRong Wednesday, August 05, 2009 . . .
